Who Says It’s Alright To Be You?

When I was a kid, barely scraping over my Mom’s knee, and the usual place I would be found sticking to,WEIHH various experts and seers of life and the Future whom Mom regularly consulted would proclaim me to be of feeble mind. If they expanded on it, they would say that I did not have a mind of my own, and would always be acting according to other people’s will.

My Mom devoted a lot of time trying to stave off a malady that had no cure, by devising methods to work around it. “Remember, Mother knows best; so you will do the right thing if you always do what I want you to do… and you will then be all right.”

Only, as I crept amongst rose-shrubs or skinned my shins on prickly branches, and peered into other people’s lives… I discovered that I did form opinions. Since I did not have a mind, I decided that opinions existed elsewhere, dangling… ummm… probably a bit like cobwebs. Whatever. I was very careful, however, to do what Mom wanted me to do, and be very richly rewarded for it. Life was perfect.
Then being slipped into doing. And I discovered I could pretend to be the one that does what Mom wanted…
And from there, things went straight down-hill.

There grew that weedy thingy of my wanting different things. That weed was dangerous, and plucked out with much determination (and fireworks!) but it always grew back. Then it became they… And then, they coalesced into one as formidable as an oak. I was certainly very different a person than… umm, anybody! Well, so were everybody different from each other, but at least, most of them were clubbed under Knowing The Right Thing! So what was happening here?

Over the next few, lots, of years, I created a secret laboratory to carry out experiments on What Exactly Is Happening Here… henceforth known as WEIHH. Since the laboratory was in my mind, the very existence of which was questionable, I was completely safe from discovery and exposure. Anyway, I ran the risk of proving myself a complete fraud, by working with something I did not have, so I did not want to complicate my implication by, God forbid, asking other people! So at WEIHH, I read, studied, learnt… nearly everything I could find that would somehow make me better. I think I hoped to find a cure for my malady of no-mind.

I discovered that it was easy to learn how to manipulate anybody, by pretending to completely agree with their world-view. I also discovered that by doing exactly the same thing, I could also come to know of world-views that exist, whether I needed to subscribe to them or not. In fact, in just coming to know of so many world-views I discovered a release from needing to belong to any one. Which led to my discovering that I did not need to manipulate anybody to get my way. I only needed to find my own way.
I discovered that, eventually, all I needed to do everyday, at every moment, in all situations and under all contexts… was find my own way.
It could be a well-trodden or sparse path, or not. It could have others mapped it out for you, or not. It could be something that you beat out from the underbrush, or not. It could make sense, or be acknowledged or feted or followed or celebrated or exorcised or punished… or not. All I needed to do was to be… be pleased, be satisfied, be contented with myself.

Not having a mind of one’s own? Well…

So, recently, here I was, invited to the screening of a film made by a dear friend and his team of brilliant, warm-hearted creators. And here I was, at the end of the screening, the only one to have formed a particularly harsh opinion of the premise of the story narrated by the film.
For a few moments after I acknowledged to myself what I felt and thought, I waited and watched everybody else… mainly to give myself the time to absorb the fright and the guilt of being wrong… in not having the same opinion as most others, or perhaps, as my mother. I waited to allow the panic to subside… of endangering my life, of being less than others, of being singled out for destruction. I waited and allowed.
And it was all right.

It is all right. To be me. To be you. It could be the same thing or different things. It is still all right. Is there anything not all right? If you feel, think so… and that is also all right.
Have your opinion. Let it be challenged. Change your mind, if you want to. Don’t, if you don’t. Listen to others. Be impressed. Be not. Walk away. Stay… It is all alright.
I say so!

And, umm… as for the problem of no mind of one’s own? Boy, did I ever stand it on its head! Now that, is stuff for another post, altogether!



Each person, at whichever state or stage of life, wants to feel better. Some are struggling with circumstances, others… with health. Some are stressed and reeling, others unhappy. Some, merely uneasy… others, four-feet under…   
Yet, all is supposedly well!  WellBeing

What, then, is being well?

Physically, when you feel light, energetic and at your quickest, you are well.
Mentally, when you are optimistic, cheerful and at your most calm, you are well.
Emotionally, when you are happy, peaceful and loving (yes!), you are well.
(While the quality of each state is unique, their nature is generic; your peaceful state may differ in appearance from your best friend’s, but the nature of both your peaceful state is peace.)

And all of us are familiar with these states, However, fleetingly. They never seem to stay put, or become permanent. So what gives?
At any moment, when we are experiencing some of these states, would that we stop and embed this consciousness in our beings, and assure ourselves that it is possible…

With increasing frequency…
Such that there comes a time when the intervals between the occurrences of these states approach zero.

This is where your spirit comes in.
And your spirit makes your wellness… being.

You see, when any part of physical, mental or emotional wellness occurs, all other parts are aware of it, enjoy it and use the energy. So, when you are feeling physically energetic, you are also mentally optimistic and emotionally happy. And this happens because you are spirit, and your ‘you’ness interpenetrates all aspects, levels and dimensions of your entire being. (Mine does, too!)

So, well-being is your spirit’s signature tune. Every time, any, some or all aspects of you experience wellness, your spirit registers it. It is as though you have offered yourself the best gift ever, and accepted… and how does it get better than that! And, when you consciously choose to stay in the wellness, you are anchoring that energy into your spirit.

Then, from experiencing wellness as random events, you move to expecting them, and thus being ready for them, and then being open to them, to allowing them… to eventually, being them.
Being wellness.

P.S.: Processes abound. All processes of feeling better are effective. Choose whatever suits you, and would have you show up for yourself over and over again. Somewhat like breathing…
All is well!



Deep inside the oceans, lying on the ocean bed are communities of a particular kind of living beings, identified as shelled molluscs. Amongst other varieties, there is a certain variety on which I have focussed today.

Deep down where they are, there are no waves. There are currents which flow around and about. These beings, as is the nature of Nature, live and let live in these currents. They open, respire, ingest food, release waste and shut… over and over again, as is their design. For some other beings, they are food. So occasionally, they are caught, scooped out of their shells and eaten up.

Sometimes, the survival instinct found in all living beings assists these molluscs to escape being eaten up. However, an injury could be caused, especially if the mollusc is young and less mature. Its shell is still soft enough, and can chip off, and if it is open around that time, the chipped piece can float in and lodge itself in the soft tissues. Generally, the mollusc can encourage the exit of foreign bodies from its system, but occasionally, it may not be successful in throwing it out.
The chip, though disconnected from its organ, may not die. It may continue to survive and do its job, which is to secrete the substance of the shell it was part of. Also, as the presence of a chip of its own outer shell inside the mollusc’s body is foreign, the tissues inside secrete substances to encapsulate and seal off this irritant, as a cyst. This deposition of secretions in layers carries on and on. As long as there is that foreign body, this activity will continue. In time, as the mollusc grows older and mature, the quality of the secretions changes. It is evident in the appearance of this cyst, as the layers change from earlier brown to later, yellow to paling towards white with maturity. By the time the whitish layer appears, the mollusc is mature enough and the irritant has been quarantined deeply enough for its existence inside the body to not matter at all.

Enter another species of living beings, called homo sapiens, which includes this species of molluscs in their range of food.

They discover that one in hundreds of such shelled molluscs have a stony formation, and the mollusc which carries it is less tasty than others.
They are curious about the formation… and through centuries of curiosity, the object turns into a subject.
Then begins a different kind of layering. It is not of any pre-determined purpose, such as survival, or ensuring of survival. It is a mental layering of subjective visualisation.
The rare cystic formation inspires a sense of beauty, of significance. The process of formation fires up inspired symbolism. The rarity is interpreted as precious. The preciousness of the object becomes quantified. That quantity becomes its worth, its value. And subjective comparison of quantifiable value becomes a drive…

Now homo sapiens, blessed with such creative mental faculties that they can create every situation and HarvestingOysters10_C_Mcircumstance they want, around themselves… induce the formation of what they have deemed valuable to themselves. What was rare when initially discovered by them is now rarer… but no matter. Now they farm. They cultivate those shelled molluscs which have the biological capacity to protect themselves from injury in just the way that produces these cystic bodies. They introduce artificial injury to make the molluscs do just that… and that is all there is for the mollusc’s existence for the homo sapien!

What humans marvel as a pearl is Mother Nature’s assurance to oysters of healing from auto-immune imbalances.
Suppose we see the process of such healing intrinsic in Nature’s design, and transfer our wonder, curiosity and sense of marvel to it…?
Suppose we create pearls from our own selves…?

Say What You Mean, And Mean What You Say!!!

I hope this helps me, as I am a toddler when it comes to walking my talk…! C

Did you think that I meant I can’t walk? Sure, from the perspective of an adult, a toddler can’t walk.
But from the toddler’s notion of the world…? Boyo, the fun has just begun!!!

So, the first word is ‘possibility’…
Endless possibilities… Infinite possibilities…
Everything is possible.

Indeed, it is. Everything is possible. But what exactly does it mean to you? Or me? Or to any one person? That brings us to ‘probability’.
Amongst everything that is possible, what is probable for me is the range that fits into my life. What is likely to happen, and then, the stuff not likely to happen. The unlikely may happen, but at a stretch, and we are talking average, visible range here. For example, a male human pregnant with child is ‘possible’, not ‘probable’.

Then, I still wouldn’t look at all the probabilities. For instance, I wouldn’t look at things I don’t like… So that narrows down my options.
That’s up next… ‘options’. The things one is likely to consider as do-able, include-able, believable… at a rough glance. On closer scrutiny, one turns up projections of the fall-outs of those options, and thus, some fall off the list. You know, those “Not an option!”…

That leaves us with ‘choices’.
These are the ones we would choose to do, given our context, our experience (past), and our desires (future). And thus, we would make the one choice we choose, our Present!!!


And now that you, or I, or someone has chosen… please remember that it is one out of infinite possibilities! I hear you ask me why you would have to remember that, or why it should be particular at all, because after all, if you can choose once, you can choose a gadzillion times! Indeed, you can, but the fact remains that you stay with what you have chosen to do, be, say, want… whatever… till you can. So let us look at the various ways we make a choice…

Impulse: We alight on a twig, we fly away… which goes to say, that making a choice out of impulse is fleeting. There is an external stimulus which causes the impulse, and the moment it is gone, our impulse disappears, as well. Short-lived? You’ve got it!  And cart-loads of regret to go with it!

Reaction: This is also a response to external stimuli… It may be of longer life-span than an impulse, but it still is dependent on the existence of the stimulus that brought it about. You may not acknowledge that you regret the decision made through reaction, but you will discover a continuous need to validate it.

Thoughtful: This is very highly thought of… very left-brained. Analysis of the past, conclusions arrived at present and applied to the future. Most would completely support this process. Most. Some would notice… that you have just made your past the blue-print of your future. Suppose, just suppose, you did not want it? However, this method is so admired that people tend to make themselves ‘wrong’ rather than debunk the method itself.

Feeling: This (sigh!) is the least used method… mostly because we don’t know what it is or we have no idea how to identify it. However, here is a shot at it… This is the place where your body lets you know what your heart is talking about which your spirit knew all along. This is the place where you feel happy, and hopeful and you could sing about all being well. Language does not have much to say about this, but idioms sure do! There is a treasure trove of descriptions about choices made through ‘feelings’ in every language. That is what is being described when we talk of ‘feeling it in our bones’, and ‘something in my heart said’, and then there is that ‘gut-feeling’…
Not very popular, however, considering we worship the left brain.

But choices made through ‘feelings’ get you in touch with your magic. Along the way, what appears to ‘thoughtful’ and ‘reaction’ as ‘obstacles’ and ‘challenges’, miraculously turn into interesting geographical diversions customised for your entertainment. You do not know where you are headed when you set out, but when you reach there, you are completely in love with yourself.

And you come to the core of it all once again… that your life is all about you.

Inasmuchas, heretofore… starting with whatchyamaycallit, leading right up to thereafter, the more we look for words to answer our questions, the more we become vulnerable to ignorance.

That brings us to ‘question’, and the ship in the dark that it is… But methinks it is grist for another round at the RFandD mill.

I love you.


Povilas+Vanagas+Margarita+Drobiazko+Olympics+-Ifurohd9AhlRecently, while I was completing a course in hypnotherapy, the class had a shared experience. There was a pregnant lady in the batch, and the baby was the gateway to Archangel Metatron arriving in grace, and conducing the whole class of open-hearted men and women to connect with and thank the Divine Feminine for our being. Just that.
The simplicity of the request touched and awed us. But it was not all. As we formed a circle, joined hands and bowed our heads, we felt a column of connection in which all of us were held, and the column seemed to pervade all dimensions and energies. It had the most noticeable thrumming energy.
And then came the message…
“The Feminine and the Masculine are not opposites. Neither are they forces opposed to each other at any time. Whether they are involved in co-creating another being or whether they are simply exploring their individuation through experiences, they are not each other’s cause and effect, and thus the only way they connect and weave their destinies together is by will.”

Of course, it was very pretty and not a single word was understood. In a way, thank goodness for the time we take in realising, understanding, absorbing and recalibrating our lives.

So, here is my first step.

As an individuation of the Divine Feminine, I welcome, acknowledge and accept the Divine Masculine.

You see, I have been watching the guys around me. The effort they are putting in to cope and assimilate as the balance tilts askew in favour of the woman… the courage they are showing in the face of the complete unknown, right in their own backyard… the bewilderment they are battling, in the face of being expected to know things they, frankly, did not care to know!  I am watching them, and I see them…

Like that youthful artist who had modelled his life as a rebel against establishment… He found himself when he pushed against all known walls and structures, be they parental admonishments or education’s dictums. He carved an identity for himself when he walked the conventional rebel’s path of drink and drugs, and found the courage in himself to throw it away and know himself anew. He chose a woman for himself who did not fit into any of the moulds he had encountered.
And began all over again…
He is holding on to just one idea in his head, that he loves his woman. And arranging and rearranging himself to understand that he had chosen to throw away all moulds.

Like that nearly middle-aged man who lost his marriage to ideologies and differences… He worked his way through the support of his friends, through the discussions of his family who gathered around him, through the general social consensus of she was better gone, being the weird woo-woo chaser that she was. He carried on with his life and his understanding of how it should be, the correctness of dealings and relationships in the prescribed and normal way… till one day he stopped and decided to just love his wife, just the way she was. It mattered to him that she did not fit into his scheme of things at all, yet, it mattered less than seeing her happy to be herself. He just kept widening the space he could give her, and kept stepping away and out of her range… adjusting, adjusting to the idea of letting her grow the way she would, watching in wonder that a woman so happy could possibly not be wrong.

Like that old man who has put in seven decades of being in the right already… He has this past decade suddenly come face-to-face with a belief that everything, and possibly every other thing, too, that he had been taught about women, and thus, men, is wrong. That made him wrong for the better part of his life. And he had become habituated to being the way he had grown up to be. Yet, as he stared at his daughters distancing themselves from him in order to be happy, he looked around himself and found his own happiness. He did not apologise for the way he had been. Instead, a day at a time, he became somebody who would talk to women the way they wanted to be. A day at a time, he found ease inside his own soul, and he could let women be…

Like that man who identified himself with the money he earned, because every man in his family were defined by their money. And every woman he met encouraged him to earn more, better, larger… till he caught sight of the encouragement, and groped for it in his own heart. And he found both women and men in the same structure, struggling in the same manner to reach a consensus of sense.

I see you.
All men, who are coping with a changing womanhood, I see you. All men, who are trying to change without guidelines, without acclaim, without public validation of behavioural codes, and most excruciatingly, without any sense of belonging either in the old world or new… I see you.
And as a woman, I know you will make it.
Because what you are offering to the growing Feminine, as an honourable Masculine, is unconditional love.

Because the Feminine and Masculine are exploring their individuation through experiences… in being, and letting be.

Please help me, my Guardian Angel!!!

Close to a decade ago, I became conscious of spirit help available to me…  

I did not know what to call them, how to define them or even, how to deal with them. I did not know anything about the… umm, situation, shall we say.
Yet there was this woman, neither old nor young, garbed in dark purple, who would sometimes sit down beside me, when I was close to having a frustration tantrum at work. She was solemn, silent and most of the time seemed to be waiting… and here I would be, calming down quicker than I would have managed on my own.
At other times, there seemed to be a sweetheart of a bull-terrier chugging along beside me when I went for a walk. It took me a while to notice that he appeared whenever I was out walking to blow off steam.
And there was the kind alligator instilling faith in me all through those few years I was ill… though by then, I had educated myself with terminology.

Guardian angels, spirit guides, animal guides, totems…
And Masters, Adeptis, Archangels…. Deities, daemons, gods and goddesses… fairies, sprites, nature spirits and elementals.

We were not alone!?
So we were not just us humans, and animals and birds and fish and insects and….?
Apparently not. And this, too, was not all!

I was delighted.
I submerged myself into sensing and sometimes receiving messages and guidance from them. Most often, their mere presence would be enough to centre and ground me. Then, when I started reading Tarot Cards for people, they would help me access deeper into people’s energies to find their answers.

Till one day, I was attacked by a person with an intent to injure…
The person had imagined me to have caused harm to their family, and in the ensuing scuffle and argument, somehow, the anger and violence abated at dramatic speed. We stood around discussing hurt. We could not reach a resolution at that point in time, but the person could not hold on to anger either, and it did not feel right to them.
During the incident, I knew I was asking for help from my guides and guardians. I knew I felt in control of myself, and that I was calm and observant. Most important to me, I knew how my actions could have been construed by the person, and I felt no acrimony or hate against them.

Yet, a friend who was also a teacher, turned to me and asked me later…
“Where were all your guides and angels to help you when you actually needed them? Did you forget to call them because you were afraid? Or were you shamming about this all along?”

I was silenced.
In my heart of hearts I knew I was surrounded by grace, just as everybody always is, and the person who wanted to injure, was, too… yet I did not have the words to reply to that question.
I did not have proof. I did not have the clever eruditeness I perhaps needed to answer this accusation. All I had was a feeling deep inside me that grace was there. Grace is all that there is.

A lot of time has passed since that incident. My friend has gone away… as I have, from him. My faith in spiritual succour did not waver… and my trust grew. I stopped bothering about being able to explain to others… I continued enjoying, learning and growing in the light of grace. Many doorways opened, many resolutions were reached… much was the support I received. Some I called upon, some arrived at particular moments. But I still did not really understand the pattern or the formula or the actual definitions. Honestly, I was not very bothered.

Then, yesterday happened.
A person came through a referral to have his Cards read for a legal case which he was uneasy about. Quite some time into the reading, he began to warm up to the process and open up. And started to reveal his actual intention with the reading.
Sadly, I am so ensconced in my own little world all of the time, that it took me a while, and some angelic nudging, to understand what he was talking about. The legal matter was not an issue with him at all. He wanted the Cards to help him plan out a vendetta… a blood-feud, no less.
I was at a complete loss of words. All of my senses screamed that I did not want to be a part of this. A very significant segment of me asked me whether as a Reader I was not supposed to be neutral. And then, there was this gentleman telling me, “You have not been through the pain I have endured…”
I asked all the angels I could think of to help me with courage and insight. I asked my animal spirit guides to give me strength. Most of all, I asked for grace to understand myself at this juncture. And looking into the strange light in my client’s eyes, I knew fear.
And then, it hit me. Deep down in my belly. My past till that moment stood aside, and my present me spoke up.
“You speak of pain. Let us find resolution for your pain. We can ask the Cards to guide us such that you reach your zone of peace and harmony again, such that you learn the wisdom from this experience of yours…”
He would have none of it. “The only way I will now know peace is through complete annihilation.”
I heard myself saying, “I am sorry, I cannot agree to do this reading, then. I am not equipped, and I am not willing to consider options of willful hurt. I consciously limit myself to self-growth, and that is what I can offer you.”

And I heard the sweetest whisper within my being, of a voice I know does not belong to me, telling me in calm, measured tones…
“Help is to make you full. Grace is for you to fulfil your full potential. When you ask for help, you are empowered to do what you have to do.”

The gentleman decided to drop his insistence with me. After some general life-questions, he left. I noted that I could not be of the particular assistance he wanted, so I gifted him the reading. And the matter ended there.


But now… I have all my answers. I wish I could tell my friend, but I know he knows this, too. We all do…
I know what help is when it comes. I know each one of us need just relax into grace. I know we are part of divine design… when we turn the light on, we see the design and how perfectly we fit in. It is not the questions we ask that have ever needed answers. It has always been the answer we are ready to receive. And it shall ever be so.

So be it.

MAGIC!!!! My word…!


In the Beginning, was the Word…. 

By the time it came to us, the word had descended to the Tower of Babel.
We speak too fast to be understood by others. Sometimes we speak what we don’t ourselves understand! More often than comfortable, we find ourselves whining, “But that is not what I meant!”

Have we, then, forgotten? Or have we disconnected? Perhaps, we have made unimportant…. No matter.

Let us start again, in our fashion now.
In the beginning, is the word.

That is how thoughts are formed. The images we have in our heads are not thoughts… they are images. Thoughts are shapes in the realm of the yet un-manifest. They focus our attention on the messages of those images. They also open up the possibilities of interpretation of what could be one single image. Thus, they can conduct the path of your attention.

And words are manifest thoughts. They have been formed, spoken, heard, registered… moved in the material realm from one being to another… and back.

So, what do you want your words to be? Do you want your words to express that you have had no control over your life and are careening along a lost highway? Or do you want to like the person that you are?

Your words are your magic wand. You make a sound with your voice-box, shape it into a word, place it along the ear of another and seed your thought into the other’s head. Along with your vibrations of being… which anyway always is in truth. Can you, then, imagine the magic of your spoken words?

Try this. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, choose a word in your mind, and then gently, consciously, with all awareness, speak it out aloud, gently, mindfully. Listen to the word taking shape with the sound of your voice… and open up to what it makes your body feel.
There will be a feeling.
There is bound to be a feeling….
Just like we feel excited when we speak aloud the name of a beloved, or the supplication we feel when we say out loud our prayers.
This is what our wise ones always knew when they formed the chantments called mantras… they were locking in certain vibrations with certain mix of sounds. Even now, when we speak in a particular formation of language, what we say carries a significance, which is more than a meaning. Everyone of us has experienced the hardest of hearts melting when it is said, “I love you!”

So, handle with care…! Not glassware, but what you say. There is immense power in your spoken words. It is the first level of manifestation of what you think. Speak aloud what you wish to experience. When you are in a contrary situation, especially then… speak aloud what you want to see in the situation. Go on, take the plunge. You have a magic wand… wave it!

I begin thus…  

This world in which I live, is breathtakingly beautiful.
Each nook and corner harbours enchanting stories…
I am inspired. I am happy. I am in love…!

What will be your word, sweetheart?

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