Please help me, my Guardian Angel!!!

Close to a decade ago, I became conscious of spirit help available to me…  

I did not know what to call them, how to define them or even, how to deal with them. I did not know anything about the… umm, situation, shall we say.
Yet there was this woman, neither old nor young, garbed in dark purple, who would sometimes sit down beside me, when I was close to having a frustration tantrum at work. She was solemn, silent and most of the time seemed to be waiting… and here I would be, calming down quicker than I would have managed on my own.
At other times, there seemed to be a sweetheart of a bull-terrier chugging along beside me when I went for a walk. It took me a while to notice that he appeared whenever I was out walking to blow off steam.
And there was the kind alligator instilling faith in me all through those few years I was ill… though by then, I had educated myself with terminology.

Guardian angels, spirit guides, animal guides, totems…
And Masters, Adeptis, Archangels…. Deities, daemons, gods and goddesses… fairies, sprites, nature spirits and elementals.

We were not alone!?
So we were not just us humans, and animals and birds and fish and insects and….?
Apparently not. And this, too, was not all!

I was delighted.
I submerged myself into sensing and sometimes receiving messages and guidance from them. Most often, their mere presence would be enough to centre and ground me. Then, when I started reading Tarot Cards for people, they would help me access deeper into people’s energies to find their answers.

Till one day, I was attacked by a person with an intent to injure…
The person had imagined me to have caused harm to their family, and in the ensuing scuffle and argument, somehow, the anger and violence abated at dramatic speed. We stood around discussing hurt. We could not reach a resolution at that point in time, but the person could not hold on to anger either, and it did not feel right to them.
During the incident, I knew I was asking for help from my guides and guardians. I knew I felt in control of myself, and that I was calm and observant. Most important to me, I knew how my actions could have been construed by the person, and I felt no acrimony or hate against them.

Yet, a friend who was also a teacher, turned to me and asked me later…
“Where were all your guides and angels to help you when you actually needed them? Did you forget to call them because you were afraid? Or were you shamming about this all along?”

I was silenced.
In my heart of hearts I knew I was surrounded by grace, just as everybody always is, and the person who wanted to injure, was, too… yet I did not have the words to reply to that question.
I did not have proof. I did not have the clever eruditeness I perhaps needed to answer this accusation. All I had was a feeling deep inside me that grace was there. Grace is all that there is.

A lot of time has passed since that incident. My friend has gone away… as I have, from him. My faith in spiritual succour did not waver… and my trust grew. I stopped bothering about being able to explain to others… I continued enjoying, learning and growing in the light of grace. Many doorways opened, many resolutions were reached… much was the support I received. Some I called upon, some arrived at particular moments. But I still did not really understand the pattern or the formula or the actual definitions. Honestly, I was not very bothered.

Then, yesterday happened.
A person came through a referral to have his Cards read for a legal case which he was uneasy about. Quite some time into the reading, he began to warm up to the process and open up. And started to reveal his actual intention with the reading.
Sadly, I am so ensconced in my own little world all of the time, that it took me a while, and some angelic nudging, to understand what he was talking about. The legal matter was not an issue with him at all. He wanted the Cards to help him plan out a vendetta… a blood-feud, no less.
I was at a complete loss of words. All of my senses screamed that I did not want to be a part of this. A very significant segment of me asked me whether as a Reader I was not supposed to be neutral. And then, there was this gentleman telling me, “You have not been through the pain I have endured…”
I asked all the angels I could think of to help me with courage and insight. I asked my animal spirit guides to give me strength. Most of all, I asked for grace to understand myself at this juncture. And looking into the strange light in my client’s eyes, I knew fear.
And then, it hit me. Deep down in my belly. My past till that moment stood aside, and my present me spoke up.
“You speak of pain. Let us find resolution for your pain. We can ask the Cards to guide us such that you reach your zone of peace and harmony again, such that you learn the wisdom from this experience of yours…”
He would have none of it. “The only way I will now know peace is through complete annihilation.”
I heard myself saying, “I am sorry, I cannot agree to do this reading, then. I am not equipped, and I am not willing to consider options of willful hurt. I consciously limit myself to self-growth, and that is what I can offer you.”

And I heard the sweetest whisper within my being, of a voice I know does not belong to me, telling me in calm, measured tones…
“Help is to make you full. Grace is for you to fulfil your full potential. When you ask for help, you are empowered to do what you have to do.”

The gentleman decided to drop his insistence with me. After some general life-questions, he left. I noted that I could not be of the particular assistance he wanted, so I gifted him the reading. And the matter ended there.


But now… I have all my answers. I wish I could tell my friend, but I know he knows this, too. We all do…
I know what help is when it comes. I know each one of us need just relax into grace. I know we are part of divine design… when we turn the light on, we see the design and how perfectly we fit in. It is not the questions we ask that have ever needed answers. It has always been the answer we are ready to receive. And it shall ever be so.

So be it.


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. nilu
    Nov 02, 2012 @ 08:28:21

    no words to express how i am feeling reading this…. i too have many time being helped by them when i really needed… i hear them all the time when i really want…. remember that spirit guide i saw at your place……….:)


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